It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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