he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
