Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
