ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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