They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
