So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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