I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Who died my cat blue again?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
