Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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