Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
did you just send me my own nude
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
