i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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