I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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