He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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