1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm both gender and math confused
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
