at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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