How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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