my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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