did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
