dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You ruined the universe
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize