thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
