A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
