May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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