She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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