Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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