Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
