sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i think my cat just said my name.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
