if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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