i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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