I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
