Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
