I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
