Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
