NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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