When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
