oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
