i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
