do herpes really smell.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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