that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
