I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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