He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.