in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
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Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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