Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face

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  (202): just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while (202): woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face http://tfl.nu/fujm
  Replies (11) Good night (959) Bad night (3408)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

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  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (80) Good night (45171) Bad night (2122)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  why is allison so mad at me??

  (469): View more from Texas

  me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  crap..

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  (318): why is allison so mad at me?? (469): me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!". (318): crap.. http://tfl.nu/7nes
  Replies (28) Good night (1538) Bad night (5982)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now

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  (702): Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now http://tfl.nu/aoyo
  Replies (22) Good night (4557) Bad night (948)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on

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  (512): this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on http://tfl.nu/vnoj
  Replies (22) Good night (3693) Bad night (1422)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade

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  (630): I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade http://tfl.nu/zmei
  Replies (22) Good night (4667) Bad night (1806)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.

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  (859): My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over. http://tfl.nu/t1vw
  Replies (9) Good night (736) Bad night (5683)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.

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  (405): Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up. http://tfl.nu/852v
  Replies (6) Good night (3279) Bad night (1004)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.

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  (315): Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes. http://tfl.nu/lvfu
  Replies (3) Good night (2195) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.

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  (+44): listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all. http://tfl.nu/7xa1
  Replies (8) Good night (1220) Bad night (2725)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.

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  (512): Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today. http://tfl.nu/tybk
  Replies (10) Good night (1530) Bad night (2005)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.

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  (812): I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more. http://tfl.nu/ty1z
  Replies (14) Good night (1513) Bad night (564)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.

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  (202): He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message. http://tfl.nu/bw67
  Replies (10) Good night (1728) Bad night (1010)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.

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  (757): Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min. (540): He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd. http://tfl.nu/sjx0
  Replies (1) Good night (798) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so

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  (847): this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so http://tfl.nu/o2zv
  Replies (1) Good night (476) Bad night (404)

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