Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.