she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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