Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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