Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
