Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
