But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
