So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
