is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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