I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
