normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
