I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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