Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
