mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Randomize
