My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
