I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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