we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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