Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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