5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
