my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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