We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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