i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
