Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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