on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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