I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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