just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so let's talk penis.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
