you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
