i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
