i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize