I wish i was in the wii world.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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