i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
then he tried to convert me to islam
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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