you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
