apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
