how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
