Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
