peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
