Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
