Porn is love you can see.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
