Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
