Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
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Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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