Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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