She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
