i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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