Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
