Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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