How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
