You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
