Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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