Church boner. Awkwardddd
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
