it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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