somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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